Our Relationship to Anger Affects our Sensual Pleasure
This week I was a woman who was ANGRY.
I was at Dallas Fort Worth airport in transit from NYC. As I was on the tram to take me to a different terminal, the tram broke down. Speakers inaudible, I quickly stepped out to find someone to tell me how to get to the other terminal. Maps were no help, and I was going to miss my flight if I didn't find out how to get there FAST. I approached a man who worked on staff explaining the situation I was in + asking for help on how to get to the other terminal. "Was there a connecting walking path?" I don't know. "Was there someone could talk to?" Nope, I'm it. "Do you work for the airport?" Yes. "What can I do?" The only thing I can suggest is go outside, take a bus to another terminal and go back through the security again. "There's got to be another way. Is there a manager I can speak with?" Nope.
At this point, I was feeling frantic and angry. I took a deep breath + exhaled a with a loud sound to feel the anger, but not lash out. "This is ridiculous" I muttered as I lugged my bags away to find help.
Bitch! he said out loud.
I stopped mid-walk + spun around "Do not call me that," I said sternly.
I continued walking a few steps + a fire spun up my entire body.
I stopped + turned to walk back towards him, feeling this fire: "Just because I am a woman who is feeling angry doesn't mean you can call me a bitch."
The man looked at me and apologized. It felt sincere.
I put my hand to my chest + thanked him before I turned and continued walking in pursuit of my terminal.
What is interesting about this experience, is that I had literally just taught sensuality + embodiment classes at the Renew: Breakup Bootcamp in Upstate New York. I talked to the women about the importance of developing a relationship with your emotions, especially anger + rage.
As women, non-binary, femme, + trans, we have been conditioned to put up with discomfort, to not speak up for what we need, to not express "negative emotions".
As a result, we've developed these internal strategies of suppressing our authentic emotions, mistrusting the voice + cues of our bodies, + "pushing through". We've internalized not to hurt other people's feelings with our needs, that anger is dangerous to have, that we might get rejected or unwanted if we express it (or receive it).
Why do we have trouble speaking up?
Why do words get caught in our voice?
Why do struggle with resentment or losing interest in our partner?
Why do we have trouble with orgasm, pleasure, desire for sex?
We can start here, by looking at the relationship we have with our emotions.
If we filter our emotional expression to favor "positive" emotions + squash "negative" emotions, then we are unknowingly inhibiting our pleasure potential.
The body is clenching to contain ourselves and pleasurable or sexual energy cannot flow so freely.
We don't have to blame or shame or direct our anger at someone else, but if we don't create a safe space for ourselves to FEEL it + let it move through us, then it will fester + pressure.
Maybe it's a rage practice, or journaling, crying, punching a pillow, yelling in your car as your drive down the highway.
If we don't feel it, the suppressed energy can turn into depression + despondence. The body becomes exhausted in its efforts to hold it all in.
Sensuality is developing the platonic relationship to our bodies and this includes the emotions as they are alive in our bodies.I feel so strongly about this concept. Coming back into our bodies + learning how to nurture + listen to our physical vessels not only helps expand our pleasure potential, but fosters a culture of women, non-binary, trans, femme, who are able to identify what they need + activate their voices to take care of ourselves in a world that has oppressed + quieted our voices for too long.
Whether we've experienced trauma, told to be quiet, to sit still, to "not hurt other's feelings", or sacrifice ourselves for the sake of someone else's comfort -- we may find it challenging to hold the powerful surging energy of anger in our bodies and/or find the flow + ability to express it.
If you want to discover the depth of passion + power that is possible in your body.
If you want to explore your sensuality + deepen a lovership with your body, then I've got so much for you.
Check out my 4 part series on sensuality on Eat Play Sex podcast episodes 106, 107, 108, + 109.
Then let me guide you through bite-sized + PROVEN practices to help you access + sustain a life of sensual pleasure with my online program Sensual Awakening. This is a 14 day initiation that applies my knowledge in psychology, embodiment, yoga, trauma psychology, + sex psychology to help you tap into more pleasure + orgasmic potential.
It's gotten rave reviews, and I'm so honored to share it with you.