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Speaking up for our needs during sex


So many of us have grown up unable to speak up for ourselves and our authentic needs, whether that be for pleasure, comfort, or survival. We may have developed the fear that we’d be selfish, a burden, or less capable if we did. Maybe we believed we were undeserving and as a result wouldn’t ask. Or maybe we tried to process it in our own minds by ourselves, thinking we could take care of it without needing to bother the other person.


When it comes to sex, if we don’t speak up for what it is we want or need, we are inhibiting our own enjoyment.


Vulnerability is linked to the openness of your body, versus the guardedness that tenses your body + prevents the flow of sexual energy moving through.



Some of my clients have told me that they struggle when asked “What do you want?” because it brings up the potential that their answer is not congruent with their partner’s desires + that might mean the end.


Curiosity of ourselves can be vulnerable. What do we discover on the other side? How will what I discover impact my partnership or my pursuit of one?


Sure, it can feel scary, but you’ll never get the sex life you desire if you never ask yourself the question.


Curious to learn more about what turns you on, and how to ask for it? Join us in my 6 week Erotically Undone course for Women + Femme starting April 18th.


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