Updated: Mar 5
We think that being in long-term relationships equals the slow death of our sex life. While some couples can allow this fate to happen, it does not have to be your reality.
Whether you are the wild woman feeling crushed by the repeated ‘not now, honey’ of your partner, or the badass, power women with no libido juice after working excessive hours on her empire, there’s still hope for a exciting sex life! You will have to make it a priority; however, and check out some of these tips to start.
My 5 tips to reviving your sex life.
1. Certainty is the death of growth…and in this case your sexual evolution. In long term relationships we believe we are certain that we know who our partner is as a person; and we are certain we know all the tricks to getting our partner off with pleasure. Curiosity creates space for new discovery both in your sex life and in understanding your partner. Check out some sexy Tantra books, watch some kinky YouTube videos, or read up about male or female sexuality and try out some new toys. You may be surprised at what you like.
2. Engage in foreplay, everyday. Flirt, tease, crack jokes, eye gaze, let your touch linger on their skin as you walk past them in the kitchen. Foreplay is not solely reserved to immediately before sexual engagement, but it is the activity done in between engagement to warm each other up, bring openness and connection, and build anticipation for what’s to come. Foreplay is a taste of pleasure that leaves more to the imagination to complete a picture for. Through our anticipation, our mind plays out fantasy of a potential outcome and our body responds with pleasurable reward neurotransmitters and hormones.
3. Much of our loss in sex life comes from our minds being overloaded with obligations and others necessities that we don’t give sex a space in our mind to exist let alone influence behaviors to lead into sex. Find images, books, fantasies, that stimulate a little sexual arousal flutter in the body. Stay with this sensation and allow it to linger for a bit. Give yourself permission to go into that space and feel what you feel using your imagination to heighten the experience. Then let the image face away and get back to your regular programming. Simmering allows us to maintain embodiment of sexiness and increase our pleasure potential.
4. Tune into more than just the genitals. Sex is more than just stick tab A into Slot B and shake it, yet our conventional idea of sex often limits us to that image. Let’s slow things down, maybe put intercourse to the side (or completely off the table) and drop into our senses for a different kind of experience. Slow your breath and savor each taste, smell, touch, sound, and sight. Let go of the end point of seeking an orgasm and just be in it.
5. Discover what’s zapping your libido. There are many physiological, emotional, health, and mental factors that can be the death of our libido and it’s not solely because you’ve been in a relationship for a long time or the sex has become boring. Factors range from hormone imbalance, leaky gut syndrome, anger and resentment, unprocessed trauma, adrenal fatigue, and more! Check out my article R.I.P. My Sex Drive for some of the common culprits.