Part 3 of 3
LOVE. Emotional Connection. We talked about the power of polarity in sexual attraction. And this would not sustain a strong healthy relationship without the balance of emotional connection. If you find that your sex is fire, but it’s a challenge to have productive communication or emotional connection, then there either may be a major missing factor in this pairing that won’t sustain (without help from say a coach or therapist to guide you through) or you may just need to take the initiative to lean in + start it yourself.
Polarity is not going to be helpful here, but can get in the way. For emotional connection, we both (or all) have to soften to hear one another. If we maintain our dominating quality here, we are not going to be able to receive our partner, nor them us. So put down your sexy, power hungry sword + open your heart through active listening.
Listening requires us our FULL presence—not strategizing in our head how we are going to respond or correct. No. This is softening your gaze (instead of hard penetrating gaze), relaxing your demeanor, be curious + ask questions about their experience, show that you care about their understanding rather than trying to lead with YOUR experience. This can come across as defensive + communicate that what they felt/experienced isn’t as important as it is for you to clear your name.
Attune. Attuning is our ability to read our partner’s non-verbal + verbal cues so as to better understand what may be going on internally for them. That way we can better prepare ourselves for a response that matches them, or course correct if we get it wrong. This is being sensitive to their moods that we can’t read so well if we are goal-directed on getting some. — TRUTH in dating, as well. How many times I’ve heard from girlfriends who went on a date with someone who just kept misattuning + pressing for physical affection or a kiss or invitation to their house…PAY ATTENTION + you can learn a lot.
Relax your sexual tiger + allow for space. If your partner had a hard day, perhaps they simply want to be heard + understood, rather than be groped or pressured into sex. Feeling safe to be ourselves without pressure to be or do anything other than is a powerful tool for deepening.
Be sure to check out parts 1 + 2 about sexual chemistry + polarity.