Masculine + feminine chemistry in relationships are not gender specific.
Yet because of how deeply ingrained the gender associations of those two terms are in our society, it can be hard to separate. As a result we may find ourselves putting them or us in the box according to our anatomy + that may not be supporting our authentic selves + needs. So instead, I tend to use terms like yin + yang instead.
🔥 Yang (Masculine) energy is the manifestation of action, protection, solid strength, purpose, cognitive, giving
🌊 Yin (Feminine) energy is the manifestation of creativity, inspiration, flow, softness, nurturance, receptivity, emotional.
When you + your partner(s) are embodied in one of these poles, your energy compliments one another. There is natural attraction + ease in the dance between you.
When you both are fighting for the same role, there isn’t much synergy + it can be challenging to deeply connect.
Further, I bring my knowledge of trauma psychology to help alleviate the pressure + find more compassion:
If you have a complaint that your partner is too “Masculine” or controlling or whatever-- they may ACTUALLY be operating from a trauma state. Meaning they may be in fight/flight/freeze. And so we can help them get in their body + regulate, rather than blame.
If they need more yin, try co-regulating with them (use your calm nervous system to down regulate theirs, too): presence, slow breath, taking up space, holding, direct assertiveness, holding eye gaze, holding them, synchronizing breath
If you have a complaint that your partner is too “feminine” or flighty or whatever -- This may be true for them OR they may also be in a trauma response operating from strategies that they used in the past in order to regulate self or survive.
Meet this with vulnerability + clear asking for what you need.
Express how they affect you or how you’re able to melt into them when they do x, y, z for you.
Appreciation, trusting, encouraging their efforts towards creating purpose + individuality, allow for space + patience, avoid telling them they’re wrong + instead be curious + inquisitive.
Do NOT expect your partner to just “get it”. Conversation + supportive dialogue is the most effective way to build chemistry + polarity. Embrace this dance of growth with your beloved + be willing to learn.
Share your experience on these two roles in relationships in the comments below.
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