We all have a different volume of love that we speak + different capacity for depth in intimacy.
Some of us are highly expressive + open,
Bold in our declaration + wanting to dive into the depths of knowing one another.
Some of us take awhile to warm up, slower in pace to open + needing consistency of safety in each interaction of revelation to do so.
Sometimes this matches the person we are with, + sometimes it does not.
No matter.
For it can be incredibly attractive to see someone love so hugely, inspired by their big heart,
Or attractive to be grounded by another who goes slow.
Unless we are unconsciously placing our own expectations + conditions on them to meet us in our expression.
“I do all of this for love, why aren’t you doing the same for me?”
Feeling like they are withholding love from us.
Not trying.
Perhaps even a sense of abandonment—
Yet this would be a sign we are re-experiencing a story.
Or
“I need to go slowly for fear I’ll be all consumed.”
Feeling like we might lose ourselves amid the heat + the passion that’s being put down.
Needing to hold our ground in space + pace to prevent it.
Perhaps even a sense of being overpowered—
Yet this would be a sign we are re-experiencing a story.
A story from a younger version of self holding an unmet need or injury we must have had.
Here lies a part of you that pushes up so that we may work on her. Integrate her into our adult self, realizing we do actually have the power to hold + heal + voice what it is we need.
We are not at the whim of whatever their decisions are.
We get to make decisions ourselves.
Egoic attachment is the holding on to the form of this person being the one to heal us + this unmet need or injury from an earlier time.
Discernment is our key to untangling the cords.
Does what you want + need match what this partner can provide? Or are you trying to cast them as the lead character in your childhood story to resolve what was not met there?
If you keep feeling hurt by the same repeating patterns with them or find that your definition of love includes some form of self-abandonment, then here lies a sign that you are trying to make them the source of your healing.
And no one else can really be that for you.